May 15, 2015
Grieving process-Turning Triggers for Sorrow into Action for Tomorrow.
Yesterday, my mother turned 93, a ripe age for someone with Stage 4 Alzheimer's.  She still recognizes me and people who visit regularly but cannot recall that she already ate a meal or the names of newer family members who live far away. We also celebrated Mother's Day on Sunday. All week, the questions nagging at me were: who will be there for me when I am that old and how does a childless mother do better than just survive the day? The answer came as the week progressed but to a head in today's yoga class.

During the week, I focused on making these two days the best they could be for my mom. In other words, service. I made her food with love and care, preparing specific items she wanted. Armed with cards and goodies, I was model of good will and humor. It was an act made doubly important because she does not know my son died. The reason is because of her disease and that fact that it happened just three weeks after my father, her husband of 67 years, passed away. Two years ago, when my husband died suddenly, she was unable to provide me any solace and her mind could not let go of the dread she felt for her own plight should my father die. So, I made an executive decision that she was not to know and all relatives have respected that decision. In fact, her hospice grief counselor agreed with my decision in this case. So, in her presence, I maintain an upbeat attitude for her sake.

It helps to keep busy but during my solitary times (Just because I am alone does not mean I am lonely), I do reflect on issues such as my personal future. To that end, I make every day count by taking care of myself as well as those with whom I come in contact in a delicate balancing act, keeping proper perspective on each.

Which brings me to today's yoga class. We had a teacher who was new to me and whose style was v-e-r-y slow, holding positions past the comfort level. She repeated that we could and should listen to our bodies and step out of a position if the strain disrupted the opportunity to gain. Easy for her to say. She bounced around the room, giving encouragement and compliments, She was our cheerleader. Nice for her.

What I found was that I am stronger than I gave my self credit and could hold positions with focus and form to the point where, as she described, you go beyond the physical body into the spiritual. That is where the real work is done. You see, you turn inward so that you can release outward. By focusing on a movement or muscle or position, held in stasis, different types of connections form. With each new challenge, you find that you can dig deeper, which builds confidence as it builds muscle and muscle memory. This foundation is the basis for your service to others.