May 13, 2015
Yesterday, a student at Corona High School committed suicide on campus. The paper reports that he had not seemed distressed leading up to his death. However, he still took his life. As I deal with the death of my own son, eight months ago now, and participate in sessions for survivors, this pattern seems endemic. No one picked up on the depth of pain and distress of the individual prior to that moment. We replay the hours, days, weeks, and months looking for clues, breadcrumbs, that were missed as if we could have changed ourselves, our behavior, or, most hopefully, that of the victim. With time, we figure out that as much as we hope that we have influence over others, in the end, we do not. We try to put ourselves into their shoes to see the world from the perspective of the desperate and hopeless, attempting to come up with a story that makes sense. Yes, fragments emerge but the portrait is missing key parts. Those missing elements nag at us so that we must figure out where we go from here.

First, we turn ourselves inside out but ultimately, we must turn ourselves outside in. That is, find the capacity to release our shame and guilt so that we can become instruments of hope and service to others. This takes time, especially initially. You find yourself ricocheting between emotions. Go with it. Share it with others to help them as well as yourself. None of us is alone. If there is any message for prevention or survivor recovery from death by suicide it is: you are not alone. It takes time. Be patient.